How do I ask someone for their pronouns?

Pronouns are the words used to refer to someone in the third person, such as she, he or they. Introducing yourself with your own pronouns signals that you will not make assumptions and makes it easy for others to answer, or not, without being singled out.

In groups, a round of names and pronouns works well when everyone is invited to take part and it is clear that sharing just a name is also fine.

Plain questions work best: What pronouns do you use? or How would you like me to refer to you? Asking in private is often kinder than asking in front of others, and asking everyone rather than only people you guess might be trans or non-binary avoids making anyone feel picked out.

Avoid phrases like your preferred pronouns, which can suggest someone's pronouns are optional, and do not ask about someone's body, history or medical details. Pronouns are about how to refer to someone, not proof of anything.

Some people use more than one set, such as she/they, or neopronouns such as xe/xem. If you are unsure how to use them, it is fine to ask, or to practise privately. Singular they for one person is long-established English.

Pronouns can change over time, and some people share different pronouns in different settings for safety. Follow their lead about where and with whom to use them.