Questions
20 common questions about sex, relationships, identity and sexual health, answered in plain language.
Body & health2
- Is vaginal discharge normal?Yes. Most people with a vagina have some discharge: it is fluid that keeps the vagina clean and moist, and its amount and texture change through the menstrual cycle. A sudden change in colour, smell or texture can be a sign of an infection worth checking.
- Is it normal for sex to hurt?Pain during sex is common, but it is not something anyone should simply put up with. It can have physical causes such as dryness, infection or a muscle response, and emotional ones such as stress or fear, and a clinician can usually help find the cause.
Contraception2
- What should I do if a condom breaks?Stay calm and act soon. If pregnancy is possible, get emergency contraception: the pills work best taken quickly and within 3 to 5 days, and a copper IUD can be fitted within 5 days. If HIV exposure is a worry, ask about PEP within 72 hours, and plan an STI test.
- Can you get pregnant on your period?It is unlikely but possible. Sperm can survive inside the body for several days, so if ovulation happens early, for example in a short cycle, sex during or just after a period can lead to pregnancy. A period is not a reliable form of contraception.
STIs3
- How often should I get tested for STIs?A common rule of thumb for sexually active people is at least once a year, and also whenever you have a new partner, symptoms, or a condom breaks. People who change partners often may test every three to six months. A clinic can tailor this to you.
- Can you have an STI without knowing?Yes, and it is very common. The World Health Organization notes that most STIs are asymptomatic, meaning they cause no noticeable signs. You can still pass them on and develop complications, which is why testing is the only way to know for sure.
- Can you get an STI from oral sex?Yes. Several STIs, including herpes, gonorrhoea, syphilis and HPV, can be passed on through oral sex, and the herpes virus behind cold sores can spread to the genitals. Condoms and dental dams reduce the risk.
Relationships & dating2
- How do I know if I am in a situationship?You may be in a situationship if you act like more than friends, spending time together and perhaps being intimate, but you have never agreed what you are, you avoid making plans far ahead, and asking about it feels risky. The clearest way to know is to have the conversation.
- Is it normal to have a crush when you are in a relationship?Yes. Feeling attracted to someone else is a common human experience and does not mean your relationship is failing or that you have done anything wrong. What matters is what you do with the feeling and what you and your partner have agreed.
Orientations2
- How do I come out as bisexual?There is no single right way. Many people start with one person they trust, choose a calm time and a safe place, and keep the message simple, such as: I am bisexual, and I wanted you to know. You decide who to tell, when, and how much to share.
- How do I tell my partner I am asexual?Choose a calm moment, explain what asexual means for you in particular, and make clear what has not changed, such as your care for them. Then talk openly about needs on both sides. Asexuality is a spectrum, so describing your own experience matters more than the label.
Gender & identity2
- How do I ask someone for their pronouns?The easiest way is to share your own first, for example: Hi, I am Sam and I use she/her. What about you? Ask simply and privately if possible, accept whatever answer you get, and never pressure anyone to share.
- What should I do if I misgender someone?Correct yourself briefly, say a quick sorry if it fits, and carry on using the right words. Avoid long apologies or explanations, which put the focus on you. Then practise so it happens less often.
Consent & boundaries2
- How do I set boundaries with a new partner?Start by noticing what you are and are not comfortable with, then say it early, plainly and kindly, for example: I like taking things slowly, so I would rather wait before staying over. A respectful partner will listen, ask questions and share their own boundaries in return.
- Can you change your mind after giving consent?Yes. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, including after something has started, and once someone says stop or shows they want to stop, the activity should end. Saying yes to one thing, or once before, is not consent to everything or forever.
Kink & BDSM 18+1
Dating-app slang & abbreviations2
- What does it mean when someone says they are not looking for anything serious?It usually means the person wants something casual, such as dating without commitment, a fling or a friends with benefits arrangement, rather than a long-term relationship. It is best taken at face value: it is information about what they want right now.
- What does it mean when someone leaves you on read?Being left on read means someone has opened your message, as shown by a read receipt, but has not replied. It can mean they are busy, unsure what to say or losing interest, so on its own it is not a clear signal. A pattern over time says more than a single message.
Psychology of intimacy2
- Is it normal to not want sex?Yes. Interest in sex varies widely between people and changes over a lifetime, with stress, health, medicines, relationships and life stages all playing a part. Some people are asexual and rarely or never want sex. It is only a problem if it bothers you or causes difficulty you want help with.
- Why do I feel anxious when someone texts back late?A slow reply creates uncertainty, and the mind tends to fill gaps with worst-case stories, especially early in dating or if you have an anxious attachment style or are sensitive to rejection. The feeling is common and understandable, and it often eases with reassurance and self-soothing.