Is it normal to have a crush when you are in a relationship?

Committing to one person does not switch off the ability to notice others. Crushes often grow from novelty, admiration or simply spending a lot of time with someone, such as a colleague or a friend in a shared hobby.

Long relationships also move on from the intense early honeymoon phase into a calmer, deeper kind of love. A crush can bring back that early rush, which is part of why it can feel so strong.

Having a feeling is not the same as acting on it. In a monogamous relationship, problems tend to start when a crush turns into secrecy: hiding messages, seeking more and more time alone, or sharing things with the other person that you would not share with your partner. That can drift into an emotional affair.

Some couples are comfortable talking openly about crushes, and in some non-monogamous relationships a new attraction is welcomed. The line is whatever you and your partner have agreed, which is why those agreements are worth making explicit.

Often a crush fades on its own, especially with a little distance. Sometimes it points to something missing, such as fun, attention or feeling seen, which you could talk about with your partner.

If a crush becomes all-consuming or keeps you awake with intrusive thoughts, it may be closer to limerence, and talking it through with a counsellor can help you understand it without guilt.