Psychology of intimacy

Infatuation

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Definition

Infatuation is a short-lived, intense attraction to someone, often based more on idealised impressions than on deep knowledge of the person.

At a glance

  • Infatuation is a short-lived, intense attraction often based on an idealised picture of someone.
  • In Sternberg's triangular theory, infatuated love is passion without intimacy or commitment.
  • It can be the start of a lasting relationship or fade once real familiarity arrives.
  • Neither outcome is a failure; both are common.

In detail

Infatuation is the everyday feeling of having a strong crush: excitement, preoccupation and a tendency to see the other person in a flattering light. In Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love, infatuated love is passion without intimacy or commitment.

It can be the opening chapter of a lasting relationship or it can fade once real familiarity arrives. Neither outcome is a failure. Noticing the difference between who someone is and who we hope they are is a useful part of getting to know a new partner.

In a sentence

  • I think it was just infatuation; once we actually spent time together, the spark faded.
  • Everyone at work could tell she had an infatuation with the new barista.

Where the word comes from

The word comes from the Latin infatuare, to make foolish, from fatuus, foolish. In English it originally meant being made foolish and later came to mean a passing, intense attraction.

Not to be confused with

  • Limerence

    Limerence is a more intense and specific pattern that can last for years and centres on the hope of reciprocation.

Common questions

How can you tell infatuation from love?

Infatuation usually rests on excitement and a flattering image of someone you do not yet know well. Love tends to include knowing their flaws, caring about their wellbeing and feeling committed over time. Infatuation can grow into love, so the difference often becomes clearer with time.

Related terms

Sources

  1. Psychological ReviewSternberg (1986) A triangular theory of love