Psychology of intimacy
Concepts from psychology and relationship research that help explain attraction, attachment, desire and conflict.
61 entries
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- Active listeningActive listening is a way of listening that shows full attention and understanding, for example by reflecting back what was said and asking open questions.
- Anxious attachmentAnxious attachment is a pattern of relating marked by strong worry about rejection or abandonment and a heightened need for reassurance from partners.
- Attachment theoryAttachment theory explains how early bonds with caregivers shape the ways people seek closeness, comfort and security in later relationships.
- Avoidant attachmentAvoidant attachment is a pattern of relating in which a person values independence strongly and tends to pull back when closeness or emotional demands increase.
- Betrayal traumaBetrayal trauma is psychological harm caused when someone a person depends on and trusts, such as a caregiver or partner, violates that trust in a serious way.
- Bids for connectionA bid for connection is any small attempt to get a partner's attention, interest or support, from a comment about the weather to a hand on the shoulder.
- Body imageBody image is how a person thinks and feels about their own body, including its appearance and how it functions.
- CodependencyCodependency is a popular term for a relationship pattern in which one person organises their sense of worth around caring for, pleasing or rescuing another, often at their own expense.
- Commitment phobiaAn informal term for a strong, persistent fear or avoidance of long-term romantic commitment.
- Companionate loveCompanionate love is deep affection and commitment grounded in friendship, trust and shared life, rather than intense longing.
- Compulsive sexual behaviourCompulsive sexual behaviour disorder is a condition recognised in the WHO's ICD-11 in which a person repeatedly fails to control intense sexual urges or behaviour over a long period, causing marked distress or impairment.
- Couples therapyCouples therapy is talking therapy in which partners work with a trained therapist to understand patterns in their relationship and improve how they communicate and resolve conflict.
- Desire discrepancyDesire discrepancy is a difference between partners in how often, or in what way, they want sexual intimacy.
- Disorganised attachmentDisorganised attachment describes a pattern in which closeness is both longed for and feared, so a person may move between seeking and pushing away intimacy.
- Dual control modelThe dual control model describes sexual response as a balance between two systems: one that responds to sexual cues (excitation) and one that responds to reasons not to be aroused (inhibition).
- Emotional availabilityEmotional availability is the capacity and willingness to engage with feelings, both one's own and a partner's, and to be present in a relationship.
- Emotional floodingEmotional flooding is a state of being so physically and emotionally overwhelmed during conflict that clear thinking and listening become very difficult.
- Emotional intimacyEmotional intimacy is the sense of being able to share feelings, fears and hopes with someone and have them met with care rather than judgement.
- EnmeshmentEnmeshment describes relationships in which personal boundaries are so blurred that individuals struggle to have separate feelings, choices or identities.
- Fawn responseThe fawn response is a stress reaction in which a person tries to stay safe by appeasing, complying with or placating whoever feels threatening.
- Fear of intimacyAnxiety about becoming emotionally or physically close to another person, which can lead someone to keep partners at a distance.
- Four horsemenThe four horsemen are four communication patterns identified by John Gottman as strong predictors of relationship breakdown: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
- GaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone repeatedly causes another person to doubt their own memory, perception or judgement.
- Hookup cultureHookup culture refers to social settings, often associated with universities and dating apps, where casual sexual encounters outside committed relationships are widely accepted or expected.
- HooveringAn attempt to pull a former or distancing partner back into a relationship, often an unhealthy or abusive one, named after the vacuum cleaner brand.
- InfatuationInfatuation is a short-lived, intense attraction to someone, often based more on idealised impressions than on deep knowledge of the person.
- Intermittent reinforcementIntermittent reinforcement is when rewards such as affection or attention arrive unpredictably, which tends to make the behaviour of seeking them unusually persistent.
- IntimacyIntimacy is the experience of closeness with another person, built from being known, accepted and cared for. It can be emotional, physical, intellectual or shared through experiences, and it does not have to involve sex.
- JealousyJealousy is the emotional response to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, often involving fear of loss, insecurity and anger.
- LimerenceLimerence is an intense, often involuntary state of romantic longing for a specific person, marked by intrusive thoughts and a strong wish for the feeling to be returned.
- LonelinessLoneliness is the painful feeling that one's social connections are fewer or less meaningful than one wants, regardless of how many people are actually around.
- Mental loadThe invisible work of planning, remembering, organising and keeping track of everything a household or family needs.
- Nonviolent communicationNonviolent communication is an approach to speaking and listening developed by Marshall Rosenberg that focuses on observations, feelings, needs and requests rather than blame.
- OxytocinOxytocin is a hormone and brain signalling chemical involved in childbirth, breastfeeding and social bonding, often nicknamed the love or cuddle hormone.
- ParaphiliaParaphilia is a clinical term for an intense and persistent sexual interest in something outside typical sexual interests; it becomes a disorder only when it causes distress or involves harm or non-consenting people.
- Parasocial relationshipA one-sided emotional bond with someone who does not know you personally, such as a celebrity, influencer, streamer or fictional character.
- Passionate lovePassionate love is a state of intense longing for union with another person, combining strong emotion, physical attraction and preoccupation.
- People-pleasingPeople-pleasing is a habit of putting other people's wishes and approval ahead of one's own needs, often to avoid conflict or rejection.
- Performance anxietySexual performance anxiety is worry about how one will perform or be judged during sex, which can itself interfere with arousal and enjoyment.
- Postcoital dysphoriaFeelings of sadness, tearfulness, anxiety or irritability after sex, even when the sex was consensual and enjoyable.
- Protest behaviourActions a person takes to get a reaction or reassurance from a partner when they feel the connection is under threat, often linked to anxious attachment.
- Purity culturePurity culture is a movement, most prominent in American evangelical Christianity from the 1990s, that promoted sexual abstinence before marriage through pledges, events and strict modesty norms.
- Rejection sensitivityRejection sensitivity is a tendency to anxiously expect, quickly notice and strongly react to signs of rejection from other people.
- Relationship OCDRelationship OCD is an informal name for obsessive-compulsive disorder when its intrusive doubts focus on a romantic relationship, such as whether one truly loves a partner or whether they are the right one.
- Repair attemptA repair attempt is anything a person says or does during or after conflict to reduce tension and stop an argument from escalating.
- Responsive desireResponsive desire is sexual desire that emerges in response to closeness, touch or arousal, rather than appearing spontaneously beforehand.
- Secure attachmentSecure attachment describes a relatively settled way of relating in which a person is comfortable with closeness, can depend on others and can also cope with time apart.
- Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure is the act of sharing personal information, thoughts or feelings with another person, and it is one of the main ways closeness develops.
- Sensate focusSensate focus is a structured set of touching exercises used in sex therapy to reduce pressure and anxiety and help partners pay attention to sensation rather than performance.
- Sex positivitySex positivity is an attitude that treats consensual sexuality as a healthy part of life and respects people's different choices, including choosing little or no sex.
- Sex therapySex therapy is a form of talking therapy that helps individuals and couples with sexual concerns, such as low desire, pain, performance worries or differences between partners.
- Sexual scriptsSexual scripts are the shared cultural expectations about who does what, when and why in romantic and sexual situations.
- Sexual shameSexual shame is a painful sense that one's sexual feelings, body, desires or history make one bad, dirty or unworthy.
- Spontaneous desireSpontaneous desire is sexual interest that seems to arise on its own, before any touch or intimate situation, often prompted by thoughts or cues.
- StonewallingStonewalling is withdrawing from a conversation or conflict by going silent, looking away or refusing to engage, leaving the other person without a response.
- Touch starvationTouch starvation, also called skin hunger, is the sense of lacking enough affectionate physical contact, such as hugs or cuddles, in daily life.
- Trauma bondingTrauma bonding describes a strong emotional attachment that can form between a person and someone who harms them, especially when abuse alternates with affection.
- Triangular theory of loveThe triangular theory of love, proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg in 1986, describes love as a combination of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
- Types of attractionTypes of attraction is a way of describing the different pulls people can feel toward others, such as sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, emotional or intellectual attraction.
- VulnerabilityIn relationships, vulnerability means letting someone see parts of yourself that could be hurt, such as fears, needs or mistakes, in the hope of deeper connection.
- Weaponised incompetenceDoing a task badly, or claiming you cannot do it, so that someone else ends up taking it over.