Psychology of intimacy

Couples therapy

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Definition

Couples therapy is talking therapy in which partners work with a trained therapist to understand patterns in their relationship and improve how they communicate and resolve conflict.

At a glance

  • Couples therapy helps partners understand relationship patterns and improve communication.
  • Well-studied approaches include emotionally focused therapy and the Gottman method.
  • Couples come for many reasons, from frequent conflict to wanting to feel closer.
  • It can help partners stay together or separate more kindly.
  • Joint sessions are generally not recommended where there is violence or coercive control.

In detail

Well-studied approaches include emotionally focused therapy, developed by Sue Johnson from attachment theory, and the Gottman method, based on John and Julie Gottman's research. Couples come for many reasons, including frequent conflict, infidelity, life transitions or simply wanting to feel closer.

Therapy can help partners decide to stay together or to separate more kindly. Where there is violence or coercive control, joint sessions are generally not recommended because they can increase risk; specialist domestic abuse services are the safer first step.

In a sentence

  • We started couples therapy before things got bad, just to learn to argue better.
  • Couples therapy helped us decide to separate without hating each other.

Where the word comes from

Emotionally focused therapy was developed by Sue Johnson and Leslie Greenberg in the 1980s, and the Gottman method grew from John and Julie Gottman's research and clinical work from the 1990s.

Common questions

Is couples therapy only for relationships in crisis?

No. Couples come for many reasons, including life transitions, wanting to feel closer or learning to communicate better, as well as conflict or infidelity.

Is couples therapy suitable if there is abuse?

Joint sessions are generally not recommended where there is violence or coercive control, because they can increase risk. Specialist domestic abuse services are the safer first step and can offer confidential support.

Related terms

Sources

  1. The Gottman InstituteResearch