Psychology of intimacy

Disorganised attachment

Alsodisorganized attachmentfearful-avoidant attachmentfearful avoidantdisorganised attachment styleFA attachment

Definition

Disorganised attachment describes a pattern in which closeness is both longed for and feared, so a person may move between seeking and pushing away intimacy.

At a glance

  • Disorganised attachment involves both longing for and fearing closeness.
  • It was first identified in infants whose caregivers were also a source of fear.
  • In adults the closest equivalent is usually called fearful-avoidant attachment.
  • It is more common among people who have experienced trauma.
  • Specialists recommend trauma-informed support rather than self-diagnosis from online quizzes.

In detail

The category was first identified by Mary Main and Judith Solomon in infants whose reactions to their caregivers seemed contradictory, often in contexts where the caregiver was also a source of fear. In adults the closest equivalent is usually called fearful-avoidant attachment.

Adults with this pattern may want a relationship intensely yet feel overwhelmed or unsafe once it becomes close. It is more common among people who have experienced trauma, which is why specialists recommend trauma-informed therapy rather than self-diagnosis from quizzes. With support and stable relationships, people often develop more settled ways of relating.

In a sentence

  • My therapist said what I'd been calling chaos in my relationships looked more like a disorganised attachment pattern.
  • The article on disorganised attachment explained why I push people away right when things get good.

Where the word comes from

Developmental psychologists Mary Main and Judith Solomon described the disorganised category in the 1980s, after noticing infants whose behaviour did not fit Ainsworth's original three categories.

Common questions

Is disorganised attachment the same as fearful-avoidant?

They are closely related. Disorganised attachment is the term from research on infants, while fearful-avoidant is the label most often used for a similar adult pattern, in which closeness is both wanted and feared.

Can disorganised attachment improve?

Yes. With stable relationships and support, people often develop more settled ways of relating. Because the pattern is often linked to trauma, a trauma-informed therapist or counsellor can be a helpful guide.

Related terms

Sources

  1. Journal of Personality and Social PsychologyBartholomew & Horowitz (1991) Attachment styles among young adults: a test of a four-category model