Desire discrepancy - meaning and definition
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Definition
Desire discrepancy is a difference between partners in how often, or in what way, they want sexual intimacy.
At a glance
- Desire discrepancy is a difference between partners in how often or how they want sexual intimacy.
- Almost every long-term couple experiences some mismatch in desire.
- Causes include stress, health, hormones, parenting, medication, tension or temperament.
- Therapists frame it as a shared challenge, and no one is obliged to have sex they do not want.
In detail
Almost every long-term couple experiences some mismatch in desire, and it is one of the most common topics in sex therapy. Differences can come from stress, health, hormones, parenting, medication, relationship tension or simply different temperaments.
Therapists usually frame the issue as a shared challenge rather than a problem with the partner who wants less. Approaches include understanding each person's desire style, reducing pressure, widening what counts as intimacy and talking openly. Neither partner is obliged to have sex they do not want.
In a sentence
- Our sex therapist said desire discrepancy is one of the most common things couples bring to her.
- We have a desire discrepancy, so we've widened what counts as intimacy for us.
Not to be confused with
- Hypoactive sexual desire
Hypoactive sexual desire refers to persistently low desire that causes a person distress, whereas desire discrepancy is a difference between two people.
Common questions
Is it normal for partners to want sex at different amounts?
Yes. Some mismatch in desire is very common in long-term relationships and is one of the most frequent topics in sex therapy. It does not mean one partner is wrong or that the relationship is failing.
What helps with desire discrepancy?
Common approaches include understanding each person's desire style, reducing pressure, widening what counts as intimacy and talking openly. If health issues or medication may play a part, a clinician can check, and a sex therapist can help couples work through it together.