Weaponised incompetence - meaning and definition
Alsoweaponized incompetencestrategic incompetencelearned helplessness at home
Definition
Doing a task badly, or claiming you cannot do it, so that someone else ends up taking it over.
At a glance
- Means avoiding tasks by doing them badly or claiming inability.
- Most often discussed around chores and childcare.
- Can be deliberate or an unexamined habit.
- Often leads to resentment and an unequal workload.
- Closely linked to the idea of the mental load.
In detail
The term is most often used about household chores and childcare in relationships, for example loading the dishwasher so badly that a partner stops asking. It can be deliberate or a habit that has never been questioned.
Over time it can create resentment and an unequal share of work, often along gendered lines. Naming the pattern, agreeing who owns which tasks, and accepting that things may be done differently are common ways couples address it.
In a sentence
- Saying you do not know how to use the washing machine after five years is weaponised incompetence.
- We talked about weaponised incompetence in couples counselling and split the chores properly.
Common questions
Is weaponised incompetence always deliberate?
No. Sometimes it is a learned habit or a result of never having been expected to do certain tasks. The effect on the other person can be the same, so it is worth discussing either way.