Vulnerability - meaning and definition
Alsoemotional vulnerabilitybeing vulnerableemotional openness
Definition
In relationships, vulnerability means letting someone see parts of yourself that could be hurt, such as fears, needs or mistakes, in the hope of deeper connection.
At a glance
- Vulnerability means letting someone see fears, needs or mistakes that could be hurt.
- When received with care, vulnerability tends to build trust and closeness.
- Healthy vulnerability is paced and mutual rather than rushed or demanded.
- Being vulnerable is compatible with having boundaries about what, when and with whom to share.
In detail
Sharing something vulnerable carries a risk: the other person might dismiss it. When it is received with care, though, it tends to build trust and closeness quickly. Researcher and author Brene Brown popularised the idea that vulnerability is a source of connection rather than weakness.
Healthy vulnerability is paced and mutual. Oversharing very early, or expecting disclosure from someone before they feel safe, can backfire. Being vulnerable is also different from having no boundaries; people can be open while still choosing what, when and with whom they share.
In a sentence
- It took real vulnerability to tell him I was scared of being left again.
- On our third date she said she valued vulnerability, and that made it easier to open up.
Where the word comes from
The word comes from the Latin vulnus, a wound. Its positive use in relationships was popularised by researcher Brene Brown, especially after her widely viewed talk on the subject in 2010.
Common questions
Is vulnerability a weakness?
In relationship psychology it is usually seen as the opposite: a willingness to risk being hurt for the sake of connection. Shared carefully and received kindly, it is one of the main ways trust grows.
How is vulnerability different from oversharing?
Vulnerability is paced to the level of trust in the relationship and is usually mutual. Oversharing tends to involve disclosing a lot very early or without regard for whether the other person is ready, which can make both people uncomfortable.