Boundaries - meaning and definition
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Definition
Boundaries are the limits a person sets around what they are comfortable with, physically, emotionally, sexually or digitally, and how they want to be treated.
At a glance
- Personal limits about what someone is comfortable with.
- They can be physical, emotional, sexual, digital, financial or about time.
- A boundary describes what a person will do to protect themselves, not a rule for others.
- Boundaries can change over time.
- Respecting someone's boundaries is a core part of trust and consent.
In detail
Boundaries can be about touch, time, privacy, communication, money or sex. Examples include "I don't share my location", "I need a day to reply sometimes" or "I'm not ready for that yet". Healthy boundaries are communicated clearly and can change over time.
A boundary describes what a person will do to protect their own wellbeing; it is not a rule imposed on someone else's behaviour. Respecting another person's boundaries, even when you do not share them, is a core part of trust and consent.
In a sentence
- One of my boundaries is that I don't share my location with people I've just met.
- We talked about boundaries early on, which made dating feel much less stressful.
- Looking for someone who respects boundaries and communicates openly.
Not to be confused with
- Coercive control
Controlling another person's friendships, money or movements is sometimes framed as a boundary but is a pattern of abuse.
Common questions
How do I set a boundary?
Say clearly and calmly what you are and are not comfortable with, for example "I'm not ready for that yet" or "I need a day to reply sometimes". You do not need to over-explain. If someone keeps ignoring a boundary, that is useful information about the relationship.
What is the difference between a boundary and controlling someone?
A boundary is about your own actions, such as "If you shout, I will leave the conversation". Control is telling another person what they must do, such as who they can see or what they can wear.