Consent and boundaries: the basics

Consent is a free, informed and clear agreement to a specific activity, given by someone who is able to agree and who can change their mind at any time. The FRIES model sums this up: consent should be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific.

Affirmative consent means looking for an active yes, in words or unmistakable actions, rather than assuming agreement from silence. Enthusiastic consent goes further and looks for genuine wanting, not reluctant agreement. Agreeing to one thing never means agreeing to everything.

Consent is ongoing rather than a one-time permission. Anyone can withdraw consent at any point, including after something has started, and the activity should then stop. A short check-in, such as asking whether a partner is still comfortable, keeps everyone on the same page.

Non-verbal cues matter, but they can be hard to read. Some people freeze when they feel threatened, unable to move or speak, so a lack of resistance is never the same as a yes. Someone who is incapacitated, for example through alcohol, drugs or sleep, cannot consent.

Boundaries are the limits a person sets around what they are comfortable with, physically, emotionally, sexually or digitally. They are not rules imposed on others but information about yourself. Bodily autonomy is the underlying principle: each person decides what happens to their own body.

Online life has its own version of these ideas. Digital consent means asking before sending explicit images, sharing photos or tracking someone's location. Sexting between consenting adults is a choice, while cyberflashing, sending unsolicited sexual images, is not.

Coercion is pressure, threats, guilt or persistent pleading used to get a yes. A power imbalance, such as one person being much older, richer or in charge at work, can make it harder to say no freely. Stealthing and reproductive coercion are specific ways of overriding someone's choices about condoms, contraception or pregnancy.

Some harms form patterns rather than single events. Coercive control uses isolation, monitoring and threats to dominate a partner. Image-based abuse and sextortion misuse intimate images. Sexual assault is any sexual act without consent, and legal definitions differ between countries.

Harm is always the responsibility of the person who caused it. Victim blaming, such as questioning what someone wore or drank, shifts that responsibility unfairly. Bystander intervention means stepping in safely, directly or indirectly, when you see someone at risk.

Anyone affected by sexual violence can get free, confidential help from a rape crisis centre or similar service, whenever it happened. Trauma-informed services aim to support people without re-traumatising them, and safety planning can help people experiencing abuse work out practical next steps.