Sexual shame - meaning and definition
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Definition
Sexual shame is a painful sense that one's sexual feelings, body, desires or history make one bad, dirty or unworthy.
At a glance
- Sexual shame is a sense that one's sexual feelings, body, desires or history make one bad or unworthy.
- It often grows from childhood messages, religious or cultural teaching, teasing or abuse.
- Therapists distinguish shame ('I am bad') from guilt ('I did something I regret').
- Accurate information, supportive relationships and therapy help people work through it.
In detail
Sexual shame often grows from messages absorbed in childhood and adolescence, from religious or cultural teaching, from teasing or from experiences of abuse. It can show up as difficulty talking about sex, avoidance of intimacy, or discomfort with pleasure even in wanted situations.
Therapists distinguish shame ("I am bad") from guilt ("I did something I regret"). Guilt can prompt useful change, while shame tends to lead to hiding. Accurate information, supportive relationships and therapy are the usual ways people work through it.
In a sentence
- A lot of my sexual shame came from what I was taught at school, and therapy helped me unpack it.
- She said sexual shame made it hard to even talk about what she enjoyed.
Common questions
How does sexual shame affect relationships?
It can make it hard to talk about sex, lead to avoiding intimacy or cause discomfort with pleasure even in wanted situations. Partners can help by responding with acceptance, and a therapist, particularly a sex therapist, can support someone working through it.