Limerence - meaning and definition
Alsolimeranceobsessive crush
Definition
Limerence is an intense, often involuntary state of romantic longing for a specific person, marked by intrusive thoughts and a strong wish for the feeling to be returned.
At a glance
- Limerence is intense, often involuntary romantic longing for one specific person.
- Features include intrusive thoughts, reading meaning into small signals and moods that follow the other person's behaviour.
- It is not a diagnosis and is common at the start of relationships.
- Uncertainty tends to feed limerence, while a secure, reciprocated relationship usually lets it settle.
In detail
The word was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book Love and Limerence, based on interviews with hundreds of people. She described features such as constant thinking about the person, reading meaning into small signals, mood swings that follow their behaviour, and relief or elation at any sign of reciprocation.
Limerence is not a diagnosis, and many people experience it at the start of relationships. It becomes distressing when it lasts for a long time, focuses on someone unavailable, or crowds out everyday life. Uncertainty tends to feed it, while a secure, reciprocated relationship usually lets it settle into calmer affection.
In a sentence
- I couldn't stop checking whether he'd viewed my story, and a friend said it sounded like limerence.
- Limerence felt like magic at first, then it started taking over my whole week.
Where the word comes from
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word in her 1979 book Love and Limerence, based on interviews with hundreds of people about their experiences of being in love.
Not to be confused with
- Infatuation
Infatuation is a general word for a strong crush; limerence refers to Tennov's more specific pattern of intrusive, reciprocation-focused longing.
Common questions
What is the difference between limerence and love?
Limerence centres on longing and the hope of the feeling being returned, often with intrusive thoughts and mood swings. Love, especially in an established relationship, tends to involve knowing the other person well and caring about their wellbeing. Limerence can lead to love, but they are not the same thing.
How long does limerence last?
It varies. Tennov described it as typically lasting months to a few years. It often fades when feelings are returned and the relationship becomes secure, or when hope of reciprocation ends. If it becomes distressing or crowds out daily life, talking to a counsellor can help.