Psychology of intimacy

Phubbing

Alsopartner phubbingpphubbingphone snubbingphubbedphubber

Definition

Paying attention to your phone instead of the person you are with. When it happens between partners, researchers call it partner phubbing.

At a glance

  • Ignoring a person in favour of your phone.
  • A blend of the words phone and snubbing.
  • Partner phubbing is linked in studies to lower relationship satisfaction.
  • Can feel like a missed bid for connection.
  • Phone-free times are a common shared fix.

In detail

Phubbing, a blend of phone and snubbing, describes checking messages, scrolling or answering notifications during a conversation or a shared moment. Most people do it sometimes, and most people notice when it happens to them.

Studies of couples have linked frequent partner phubbing with lower relationship satisfaction and more conflict, partly because each glance at a phone can read as a missed bid for attention. Simple shared habits, such as phone-free meals or putting devices away during important conversations, are common ways couples respond.

In a sentence

  • We made a no-phones-at-dinner rule because we were both phubbing each other.
  • I felt invisible on that date, he was phubbing me the whole time.

Where the word comes from

Coined in 2012 as part of a campaign run for an Australian dictionary to name a new social behaviour. The term was later adopted by researchers.

Not to be confused with

  • Stonewalling

    Stonewalling is withdrawing from a conversation or conflict altogether; phubbing is distraction by a phone.

Common questions

Is phubbing really bad for relationships?

Research on couples has found associations between frequent partner phubbing and lower satisfaction and more conflict. Occasional phone use is not a problem in itself; it is the habit of choosing the screen over the person that tends to matter.

How can couples cut down on phubbing?

Common ideas include phone-free meals or bedrooms, turning off non-essential notifications, and agreeing to put phones away during important conversations.

Related terms

Sources

  1. Computers in Human Behavior (Roberts and David, 2016)My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners