Active listening - meaning and definition
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Definition
Active listening is a way of listening that shows full attention and understanding, for example by reflecting back what was said and asking open questions.
At a glance
- Active listening means giving full attention and showing understanding of what someone says.
- It often involves reflecting back, paraphrasing and asking open questions.
- It does not require agreeing with the speaker.
- Feeling heard tends to lower defensiveness, which is why couples therapy often teaches it.
In detail
The approach is associated with psychologist Carl Rogers and was described by Rogers and Richard Farson in the 1950s. Instead of preparing a reply or a solution, the listener tries to grasp both the content and the feeling of what the other person is saying.
In couples communication it often involves paraphrasing ("So you felt left out when I made plans without asking?") before responding. It does not require agreement. Many couples therapy methods teach active listening because feeling heard tends to lower defensiveness on both sides.
In a sentence
- We practised active listening: I had to repeat back what she said before giving my side.
- Active listening felt awkward at first, but our arguments got calmer.
Where the word comes from
The term is associated with psychologist Carl Rogers and was set out by Rogers and Richard Farson in a 1957 paper called Active Listening.
Common questions
What are examples of active listening?
Examples include putting your phone away, paraphrasing ('So you felt left out when I made plans without asking?'), naming the feeling you hear, and asking open questions rather than jumping to advice or a rebuttal.