Cookie jarring - meaning and definition
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Definition
Dating someone as a back-up option while your main interest is someone else, keeping them "in the cookie jar" for later.
At a glance
- Means keeping someone as a back-up while pursuing someone else.
- The back-up person usually does not know their position.
- Closely related to benching and breadcrumbing.
- Often revealed by inconsistent effort and vague plans.
In detail
The person in the cookie jar is kept interested with occasional dates or messages, but is not the one the dater is really invested in. If the preferred connection does not work out, the cookie-jarred person becomes plan B.
It is close to benching and breadcrumbing. The common thread is that one person's time and feelings are used as insurance without them knowing.
In a sentence
- I think I was being cookie jarred, she only messaged when her other date cancelled.
- If you are not sure about someone, tell them, instead of cookie jarring them.
Not to be confused with
- Benching
Benching is the broader idea of keeping someone on hold; cookie jarring stresses that the dater already prefers someone else.
Common questions
How can you tell if you are being cookie jarred?
Signs include plans that are always tentative, contact that picks up when the other person seems free, and little interest in moving things forward. Asking directly what they want is the clearest test.