Cushioning - meaning and definition
Definition
Keeping one or more romantic back-up options warm while dating someone or while in a relationship, so there is a soft landing if it ends.
At a glance
- Means keeping romantic back-ups while appearing committed to one person.
- Often involves exes, old matches or flirty friends.
- Usually hidden from the main partner.
- Can be a sign of insecurity or a fear of being alone.
- Not the same as an agreed open or polyamorous arrangement.
In detail
Someone who is cushioning stays in light, flirty contact with other people, often exes or old matches, while presenting as committed to one person. The back-ups are the "cushion" that would soften the fall of a breakup.
It is usually done quietly, which is what makes it hurtful when discovered. In an openly non-monogamous arrangement, staying in touch with other people is not cushioning, because everyone knows and has agreed.
In a sentence
- I found out he had been cushioning the whole time, still messaging three people from the app.
- Honestly, keeping your ex on standby is just cushioning.
Where the word comes from
The term appeared in dating columns around 2017 and spread through lists of new dating words in the late 2010s.
Not to be confused with
- Benching
Benching keeps a not-yet-partner on hold; cushioning keeps back-ups while you already have a partner.
Common questions
What is the difference between cushioning and benching?
Benching is keeping someone you are not committed to on hold. Cushioning is keeping back-ups while you are already with someone, as insurance against the relationship ending.
Is cushioning the same as cheating?
Not necessarily, as nothing physical may happen. Many people still see it as a breach of trust, close to micro-cheating, because the flirtation is hidden.