No fats, no femmes - meaning and definition
Alsono fats no femmesno fats or femmesno fats no fems
Offensive - explained for awareness. This term can hurt people. It is included so readers can recognise it, not to endorse it.
Definition
An exclusionary phrase seen on some profiles, mostly on gay men's apps, rejecting larger and feminine men outright.
At a glance
- An exclusionary phrase rejecting larger and feminine men outright.
- Widely viewed as body-shaming and femmephobic.
- Often paired with racial exclusions of a similar kind.
- Many apps now discourage or remove this wording.
- Describing what you are drawn to is kinder than listing who you reject.
In detail
The phrase became notorious enough to give its name to documentaries and art projects about discrimination on dating apps. It is widely viewed as body-shaming and femmephobic, and it is often paired with racial exclusions of a similar kind.
Preferences are personal, but broadcasting blanket rejections of whole groups affects how people see themselves. Many apps now discourage or remove this kind of wording.
In a sentence
- Saw 'no fats, no femmes' on his profile and swiped left. That says enough.
- You're allowed preferences, but writing 'no fats, no femmes' just hurts people for no reason.
Where the word comes from
The phrase circulated widely on gay men's dating apps in the 2010s and became a shorthand for discrimination on those apps, later giving its name to documentary and art projects that examined it.
Common questions
Why is 'no fats, no femmes' offensive?
It publicly dismisses whole groups of people based on body size and gender expression. Seen over and over on apps, it contributes to body-image problems and the idea that feminine men are less worthy.
What can I write instead?
Focus on what you enjoy and are looking for, such as interests, values or the kind of connection you want. You do not need to announce who you would not date; you can simply not reply.