Red flag - meaning and definition
Alsored flagswarning signsred flag behaviour
Definition
A behaviour or sign that suggests a person or relationship may be unhealthy, unsafe or incompatible.
At a glance
- A sign that a person or relationship may be unhealthy, unsafe or incompatible.
- Examples include ignoring boundaries, controlling jealousy and pressure about sex or money.
- Online it is also used jokingly about minor preferences.
- Patterns of controlling or disrespectful behaviour deserve attention.
- Friends, helplines or counsellors can help make sense of concerns.
In detail
Common examples include disrespect for boundaries, controlling jealousy, dishonesty, contempt and pressure around sex or money. The term is used widely online, sometimes seriously and sometimes jokingly about minor preferences.
Not every red flag means danger, but patterns of controlling or disrespectful behaviour deserve attention. Trusted friends, helplines or counsellors can help someone make sense of concerns.
In a sentence
- He got angry when I said I was busy. That's a red flag for me.
- My friend says liking pineapple on pizza is a red flag, but she's joking.
Where the word comes from
From the red flags long used as warning signals, for example on railways and beaches. The figurative sense of a warning sign has been in general use for a long time, and became central to online dating talk in the 2010s.
Not to be confused with
- Beige flag
A beige flag is a quirky or neutral trait rather than a warning sign.
Common questions
What are common red flags in a relationship?
Often-mentioned examples include not respecting a no, controlling who you see or what you wear, constant checking of your phone, contempt, dishonesty, and pressure around sex or money. If you feel unsafe, helplines and support services can help.
Does one red flag mean I should leave?
Not always. A single moment can be a misunderstanding, while repeated patterns of control or disrespect are more serious. Talking it through with someone you trust can help you decide.