Relationship escalator - meaning and definition
Alsothe escalatorgetting off the escalatorrelationship milestonesrelationship escalator model
Definition
The socially expected sequence of steps a relationship is supposed to follow, such as dating, exclusivity, moving in, marriage and children.
At a glance
- The expected sequence of steps a relationship is supposed to follow.
- Typical steps are dating, exclusivity, moving in, marriage and children.
- Under this model, stopping or stepping off can look like failure.
- Naming it helps people choose which steps they actually want.
In detail
The phrase was popularised by writers on non-monogamy to describe how many people assume relationships should keep moving upward to be considered serious or successful. Stopping, or stepping off, can be seen as failure under this model.
Naming the escalator helps people choose which steps they actually want. Some happily follow the traditional path, while others prefer living apart, not marrying or keeping several relationships at different levels of commitment.
In a sentence
- We stepped off the relationship escalator: we're committed but have no plans to marry.
- I realised I was riding the relationship escalator without asking if I wanted the next step.
Where the word comes from
The metaphor was popularised by writers on non-monogamy, notably in Amy Gahran's 2017 book about stepping off the relationship escalator.
Common questions
Is following the relationship escalator wrong?
No. Many people happily follow the traditional path. The idea is simply to make each step a choice rather than an automatic expectation.