Dating-app slang & abbreviations

Roaching

Definition

Hiding that you are dating several people at once, then acting as if the other person should have assumed it all along.

At a glance

  • Means secretly dating several people while letting each one assume exclusivity.
  • Named after cockroaches: where you see one, there are often more.
  • The harm is in the hiding, not in dating more than one person.
  • A clear talk about exclusivity prevents misunderstandings.

In detail

The name comes from the idea that if you spot one cockroach, there are probably many more hidden away. A person who is roaching does not lie outright, but lets a date believe they are the only one, and then shrugs when the truth comes out: "We never said we were exclusive."

Dating more than one person early on is common and not wrong in itself. What makes roaching unkind is the concealment. A simple conversation about whether you are seeing other people avoids the problem.

In a sentence

  • When I asked if he was seeing anyone else, he said I should have known. Classic roaching.
  • I am happy to date casually, I just do not want to be roached.

Where the word comes from

Spread through dating articles in the late 2010s, playing on the saying that one visible cockroach means many hidden ones.

Not to be confused with

  • Ethical non-monogamy

    In ethical non-monogamy everyone knows about the other partners and has agreed to it.

Common questions

Is it wrong to date more than one person at a time?

No. Many people date several people before deciding to be exclusive. Roaching refers to hiding it and then blaming the other person for assuming.

How do I avoid being roached?

Ask early and plainly whether the other person is seeing anyone else and what they are looking for, and share your own expectations too.

Related terms