Yes/no/maybe list - meaning and definition
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Definition
A checklist of activities that each partner marks as yes, no or maybe, used to start conversations about interests and limits.
At a glance
- Each partner marks activities as yes, no or maybe, then compares answers.
- Lists are widely shared by sex educators and kink communities.
- 'Maybe' items are often the most useful, showing where curiosity and conditions lie.
- A completed list is a conversation starter, not a contract.
- A 'yes' on paper is not consent at any particular moment.
In detail
These lists are widely shared by sex educators and kink communities. Each person fills one in privately, then partners compare answers and talk about overlaps. 'Maybe' items are often the most useful, since they show where curiosity and conditions exist.
A completed list is a conversation starter, not a contract. Answers can change over time or on a given day, and a 'yes' on paper is not consent to that activity at any particular moment.
In a sentence
- We each filled in a yes/no/maybe list privately and talked about it over the weekend.
- Most of our best conversations came from the maybe column.
Common questions
How do you use a yes/no/maybe list?
Each person fills one in privately, then partners compare answers and talk about where they overlap. Maybes are a chance to discuss conditions, such as only with a long-term partner or only at a low intensity.
Is a yes on the list the same as consent?
No. The list shows general interest. Consent is given in the moment and can be withdrawn at any time, and answers can change from day to day.