Decentering men - meaning and definition
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Definition
Choosing not to make men, dating or romantic relationships the main focus of your life, decisions and sense of worth.
At a glance
- Not making men or romance the centre of your life.
- A mindset, not necessarily being single or avoiding men.
- Focus moves to own goals, friendships and wellbeing.
- Can coexist with a happy relationship.
In detail
Decentering men is a mindset more than a rule. People who use the phrase, mostly women, describe shifting attention away from finding or keeping a male partner and towards their own goals, friendships, health and interests. It does not necessarily mean being single or avoiding men; someone can be in a happy relationship and still decenter it.
The idea grew from frustration with the expectation that a woman's life should revolve around romance. Critics sometimes read it as anti-men, but most people who use it describe it as balance: valuing a relationship without letting it define everything else.
In a sentence
- Decentering men this year means more time for my friends and my degree.
- I'm not anti-dating, I'm decentering men so my mood doesn't depend on a text.
Where the word comes from
Discussed in feminist writing and spread widely on social media in the early 2020s, often alongside talk of boysober breaks.
Not to be confused with
- Boysober
Boysober is a time-limited break from dating; decentering men is an ongoing mindset that can include dating.
Common questions
Does decentering men mean hating men?
No. It describes where someone puts their focus and energy. It is about not organising life around romance, not about dislike.
Can you decenter men while in a relationship?
Yes. Many people in relationships use the phrase to mean keeping their own friendships, interests and identity strong rather than letting the relationship take over.