Hierarchical polyamory - meaning and definition
Alsohierarchical polyhierarchyprimary secondary modelhierarchical non-monogamy
Definition
A form of polyamory in which some relationships are given priority over others, for example a primary partner above secondary partners.
At a glance
- Some relationships are given priority over others.
- A primary partnership often carries more weight in decisions about time, money or housing.
- Supporters value the stability it gives shared lives, such as households with children.
- Critics note it can leave secondary partners with little say.
- Being open about any hierarchy from the start lets new partners decide with full information.
In detail
In hierarchical polyamory, one relationship, often a long-standing couple, carries more weight in decisions about time, finances, housing or future plans. Other partners are sometimes called secondary or tertiary.
Supporters say hierarchy gives stability to shared lives such as a household with children. Critics note that it can leave secondary partners with little say over matters that affect them. Many people aim for honesty about any hierarchy from the start so that new partners can make informed choices.
In a sentence
- I'm in hierarchical polyamory, so my wife and I make the big decisions together.
- Before we go on a second date, I want you to know my relationship is hierarchical.
Not to be confused with
- Relationship anarchy
Relationship anarchy rejects ranking partners altogether.
Common questions
Is hierarchical polyamory unethical?
Not in itself. Many people practise it honestly. Concerns arise when secondary partners are not told about the hierarchy or have no voice in decisions that affect them. Clear, early disclosure is widely seen as good practice.